False labor. Pre labor. Practice labor. Whatever you like to call it, I’m not happy about it. I had contractions every 10-15 minutes for hours yesterday afternoon. My midwife told me to take a hot bath and drink a glass of wine. Don’t judge. I needed to relax my irritated uterus. And it worked.
When you have an irritated uterus, then maybe you can give me an opinion. I trust my midwife, not the general public. I trust someone who has earned my trust, not just someone who has given birth or maybe even works with pregnant women. Definitely not others outside of these circles. Don’t even try.
This short time of anxiety made me realize that labor really will happen. And this baby might even come early. I have to tell myself that she’s coming late, or else I will drive myself crazy waiting. Now we have 8 weeks left. 4 weeks to get our house ready. Who knows exactly how many weeks until we need to be ready no matter what – because she’s here.
There is still so much left to do! I have to finsh the nursery, buy homebirth supplies, choose a pediatrician, make a decision regarding vaccination, etc. etc. etc. And that’s just the “to do” list. What about the to do list of my soul? My spirit?
This child will be dependant on me. On The Officer. Just us. Not only to meet her physical needs, but her mental, emotional, and spiritual needs. Did you know that there are not 5 oceans, but 6? The sixth is the ever deep, ever tumultous, ever changing Ocean of Parenting Advice. It’s frightening and I’m pretty sure many well-intentioned sailors have died valiently in attempts to sale across in a quest for doing the best thing for their children. Books, movies, websites. And blogs, oh the blogs. They all tell me the right way to do this and that and that other thing over there that you should never forget about becuase it will mean the difference between a happy child and one in jail with a host of mental problems and no friends. Can’t I hide my child so no one knows and no one tries to give me advice? I’ll ask for it if I want it. Please don’t offer.
What can I do except cry out to my Lord and ask Him for His help? What else can I do when it’s all I can do to not worryworryworry? He’s the only one that can keep my spirit at peace. And I need to meet him. I need to seek him in his Word. I need to sit in His presence.
So I’m off to do just that. I need His Spirit. His vision. His everything. I need to have my vision shifted off of myself (navel-gazing means something totally new when there’s human under that navel), and towards my Father and His purposed and Kingdom.
Spirit, open my heart to your Word and your Life. Bring conviction, comfort, truth, and change.
Because I certainly cannot do it.
Thy Kingdom come.