I love to kiss her cheeks. And her fingers. And her toes. Oh the toes!
(Why don’t those words written down convey the love I have for my Squishy?)
None of us sleep for more than 2.5 or 3 hours at a time. Sometimes I have no idea why she’s crying. She poops. Everywhere. All over me sometimes. I usually smell like spit-up. I yell at my husband and we fight about things that don’t make sense – 3AM is a confusing time of day. And my body is still feeling the effects of bringing her into this world. Life with a newborn is not easy, anyone will tell you that. But I just look at her and know that – somehow – it’s all worth it. (Even though none of life makes any sense anymore. When they say that having a child changes everything – it’s not just everything on the outside and how life looks and works – it changes everything to the deepest parts of who you are and what you know and why anything makes sense or matters or doesn’t matter).
Confession: It took a while for all of this to feel worth it. And I think I still have a ways to go. (Childbirth REALLY hurts). But I’m getting there. The tiny smiles and her dark blue eyes are inching me closer every day.
And you know what? I’ve never been so satisfied with 3 straight hours of sleep. It’s the little things.
(P.S. This is the first time I’ve told anyone that I even have blog – I’ve had it for a couple months – feel free to scroll down and read some past posts. This is not really intended to entertain the masses or inform anyone about anything in particular, it is just a place where I can organize and write down my thoughts. If you find it interesting to read, then enjoy! If not, it doesn’t matter much to me if you don’t read it.)