In my two months of parenting, this has easily been the hardest week. Sick mama, sick baby, hubby gone, house guests. It’s not all that bad, hubby came home, and the house guests are wonderful. But I am so tired. Physically, of course. But I am tired deep down in my spirit.
And something happened tonight. Squishy is not sleeping well due to her illnesses and medications, so I spend a lot of time rocking her back to sleep. Rocking. Rockingrocking. Rockingrockingrocking. I ran out of lullabies. So I get out my phone and look up some more on YouTube (thank you technology). I find so many, and so many “mother’s prayer” type songs. It really is only a matter of time before the tears and snot start flowing (with no tissues in reach of course). It just hits me, the beauty of bringing this baby into this world, the absolute awe at what God did with my own body. How wonderfully, and oh so fearfully she is made. The last year and the next 20 start flashing before my eyes. I know that I have no idea what will happen, but I know that she will grow. And I wonderwonderwonder what she will be like. I marvel at her eyelashes, and wonder what man may admire them. I admire her tiny lips, and wonder what secrets will cross them. I stroke her tiny soft ears and wonder when and hope for the day that she hears the gospel with her ears and her heart.
God has given us this child? He chose us to raise this precious treasure? I’m humbled beyond belief. Frightened. So overjoyed and terribly excited.
I can’t plan for the future, so I will leave that in my God’s hands tonight. I will keep rocking. I will keep shushing. I will keep singing. And I will kiss the tiny chubby cheeks. Each tear on my own cheek comes with a prayer for her tonight.