I was reading 1 Peter this morning while I was holding my teething babygirl during her nap – hoping to help her sleep longer. In chapter three, Peter begins talking about wives and husbands. It’s wonderful to read, to be reminded of the woman I am called to be. And then I read the following, “And you are [Sarah’s] children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”
Shut. the. front. door.
Do not fear anything that is frightening? But God! It’s frightening! You want me to not be afraid of anything that is frightening? It doesn’t make any sense! Not to me, anyway. But that is what I am called to. I am called to peace, to trust, to faith. Even when it doesn’t make sense. None of these can co-exist with fear. My Good God is Sovereign. Do I really believe that? I do, but if I really do, why don’t I act like it? If I really believe that God is all Sovereign, all powerful, all wise, and all good, then truly, truly I have nothing to fear. Nothing. Not even if it is frightening.
Here are something things that I consider frightening: being away from my best friend and husband for a long time, being a single parent, a single parent to this high-needs child, sleepless nights with no backup, what if she gets really sick?, my husband being at war, what he will see, what he will do, what might happen to him, what if he doesn’t come home?, and then what about when he does?, what if he doesn’t come home whole?, him coming home not being the same man, our marriage falling apart, somehow going back to having him home when he’d been gone so long, the changes that I will face in myself, the changes in him, his scars, how his scars might hurt him, or me, or our daughter. How will anything ever be normal again?
This is the short list. And it will consume me if I let it. It will cripple and destroy me if I fear what is frightening.
I am called to not fear anything that is frightening.
Lord, help me. I choose you. I choose peace.