I suppose I shouldn’t post on only the good deployment days. That wouldn’t be fair to anyone else going through this kind of trial. It wouldn’t be honest. Or real. The reality is that hard days sure are hard. The missing him is an ache that nothing can soothe. My God can soothe my fears, my anger, my disappointments, He can meet me in this lonely place. But we are one, dear husband and I. We are meant to be together, that’s what marriage is. So when he’s gone, when he’s 8,000 miles away, it’s not an ache that can be fixed.
Sometimes there is so much going on in my head that I forget plans I’ve made, or I lose things, I get a headache. You thought “deployment brain” was fake? Yeah. Not so much. Please forgive me if you have been, or will be in the future, inconvenienced or hurt by my lack of brain power. I promise it’s not personal.
When it’s all too much to handle, I run to the Rock which is higher than I. I look to my God who is all-powerful and all-loving. And I do my best to remember his grace, his goodness. I do my best to rest in his faithfulness. I remember how he has blessed me in so many ways by giving me such a man as this, a man that would lay down his life for not only his friends, but his enemies. I am so blessed to be married to this man, a man who resembles our Savior in ways that I rarely see.
But all that doesn’t change how much I miss him and how terribly I want to just wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his neck.